Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Reconnections

So, recently, my life has been filled with the emergence of people from my past - not that I mind it; much, although it is quite creepy how everyone's coming back into my life all at once.

Managed to reconnect with quite a few of them, and the most recent being, Jake. I've known him for a couple of years, but we never really spoke or crossed paths as much. Then, he migrated to Perth for school, and came back for a visit and we decided that it was a good time to say, 'Hello again,'

In a couple of hours he'll be leaving back for Perth, and god knows when he'll be back again. So I'm on this space reminiscing about the past few days we've actually spent together doing the stupidest things.

Impromptu plans everywhere - from Jalan Kayu to Yishun Dam. Now my phone has endless attempted music videos from him (apparently for me to remember him more when he flies back....). It's hard to forget you please -_-

I hadn't been out late for a pretty long time, and it was so, right. Quiet, yet no thoughts flitting through my mind continuously, no worries, no nothing. Just right.

From jamming to weird Taylor Swift songs in the car, and making bad puns and all his endless pickup lines. What.

Went all the way down to IKEA Alexandra to meet him yesterday too, and he wanted to re-enact 500 Days of Summer. So, both our snapchats were full of even more ridiculous videos. On top of that, his hair was green - he wants to be a cactus or a broccoli in his next life.

Queensway shopping centre for his curry chicken then IKEA again.

I never laughed so hard in all my life. I could not contain myself.

It's just nice to feel like a real person all over again, I guess. It's been awhile.

I'll visit you soon you crazy shit. Don't forget me, or I'll never let you forget my obsession with Shigga Shay. :P




Have a safe flight x Love.

To say goodbye, is to?

This is gonna be a long rant. Just a fair warning.

Well, I'm not saying goodbye to this space. Still have so much more left to say. So no, it kinda really has nothing to do with me. Just random thoughts spilling over, and I'm here because it's my only other outlet.

I know I haven't exactly been faithfully posting, but in my opinion, the written word is best read when it's honest. And, here I am.

Okay, so essentially what goodbyes really are, is a wave, a "see you later" or a greeting. All at face value. Really, it's so much deeper than how most of us perceive it to be.

Only really thought of it now, after a friend of mine poured her heart out to me. No, I'm not naming anyone. Anonymity, because it's only fair.

I'm gonna call her Amanda, just because. And the guy (I wish I could just go on calling him a douche throughout, but I won't. Maybe i will somewhere in the end...but.. not for now), Felix.


IN SUMMARY.


So these two met through a dating app. Amanda, being Amanda was just looking for friends to chill and hangout with, and Felix just recently got dumped by his really really old ex girlfriend because of "religion issues" or so he says.

They started talking, and they got closer, and Amanda got too emotionally attached. Felix confessed. Thinking the feelings were mutual, I guess she chose to keep going. Until, one fine day, Felix told her he was gonna see his ex.

That was step one.

And step two was his ex unblocking him from whatsapp.

Step three is when Amanda had had enough.

Especially after Felix told Amanda that his ex just wanted to be "fuck buddies" and that he wanted to still be friends with her. All this after telling Amanda "I like you". Logic? None.

Who does that? Douches.

Okay, so when I heard that, I was like "WHAT." and when I saw her sob, I wanted to kill the guy. Well, I wish I could. Still do. That's not the point.

Point is. 

No one should have to go through anything like this. No one should have a girl or a guy fuck with their feelings and then walk away pretending that everything is okay. Because they well know that it's not. And no one should assume that after fucking with a person's feelings, that everything will be back to normal, and it'll be all rainbows and butterflies.

Because hello, it won't.

Even worse is when someone tells you that "Oh, so now you're showing me your true self. And you're leaving me now."

No. No. Not when you know it's your fault, and you made the mistakes and you made the bad choices. Yes, it takes two hands to clap, but in this case they're both your hands my dear douche. You hurt your "friend". You gave her hope. You called each other pet names. Yes, you say you don't want to fuck around, because you don't think she should be doing that. But no, you fucked her emotionally. In my opinion, that's the worse kinda fucking you should be doing.

Because after this, that person is scarred for life. Trust issues come rolling in. Bad judgment - because now she doesn't know if she should trust another nice guy who she assumes finds her as good company.

Because of people like you, people like us cannot take things easy. We overthink, we cry ourselves to sleep wondering what WE did wrong when in reality it's not our fault.

ITS YOURS.

And you know what comes out of all of this?

Her not being able to say goodbye because she feels bad. SHE FEELS BAD. And you're asking for pizza.

F off. Please.

(At this point it's more like an annoyed, angry rant. But I have to put it somewhere).

Oh no. Goodbye is a long ass process. Goodbye is not just deleting, blocking, pretending that everything's okay, and you're moving on. No that's just actions. Inside, you're cringing, wincing in pain, trying to tell yourself that everything's going to be okay.

Goodbye is having to deal with the pain that might await you around the corner. 
Goodbye is wondering whether you'd ever forgive yourself for walking that path.
Goodbye is constant self-questioning of what happened five years ago.

Goodbye is time wasted lying in the dark thinking of nothing and everything.
Goodbye is a wet pillow. 

Goodbyes suck. And this goodbye, that she has to say, Mr Felix Douche, is your fault.

Fuck off and get your own fucking pizza and fuck your ex gf.

No she's not coming over.

I love you, A. 

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Shinefest 2015 (Not sponsored)

Hello strangers,

It's past midnight, and this marks the end of the amazing three day Shine Youth Festival i.e. Shinefest that happened down by Orchard Road.

Mad acts by local talents, musical acts, parkour and meet and greet sessions with Youtubers both local and international - amazing.

Had the honour of attending the meet & greet session for the International youtubers (Ryan Higa, Arden Cho, J-Rod Twins, David Choi etc) today. Picture isn't up yet unfortunately. According to the event pass, the meet & greet would start at 4pm and end at 6pm. Apparently, there were "sessions", and it was a quick hi and bye situation. Not exactly my idea of a meet and greet, but I guess I was just glad to be amongst such talents (?) Probably just trying to make myself feel better. It's working.....slightly.. just, slightly...


At least I got to hi-five one of my inspirations; Ryan Higa +nigahiga  , and say a quick hi to +David Choi . I really, really,really wanted a selfie (and a hug even though that's pushing it), but sigh.

I did leave with a signed poster, and I got myself the last "teehee" cap from Ryan's (yup, totally on a first name basis right now) merchandise line. $30 well spent since I really needed a snapback anyway.

Oh, and I made a couple of new friends while we were all interacting and spazzing in the queue.


Slightly blur only because my hands were shaking. Woops. The vlog is much better though. Editing that as we speak! 



Of course, my favourite dress from my Zalora haul. Despite it being leather, it doesn't stick to my skin; which is a total must have especially in Sg weather. Pairing that with my favourite pair of sneakers lately - marble grey roshe runs.

Walked down through Orchard Road - quite abit was already going on. It was more "happening" at night, definitely. I guess dim lights make everything more exciting? I don't know.

Hit up ION before the performance - window shopped, and then it was just time to get it going on with The Zadon who was looping and beatboxing to perfection. Siggggggghhhhh. He deserves to be publicized more - no really. He should. Please please follow him; check him out ! +TheZadonMusic

He is ridiculously talented.

7.30. And I dragged Abby to the front of the barrier. Freaking ready to attempt to rap like one of my favourite people from the Grizzle Grind Crew (@ggc_crew on twitter). All these years, and I finally manage to see him UP CLOSE. I watched him during SEA Games this year and i was just dying and wishing he would see me on the stadium screen (obv didn't happen), but all that's changed now ;)








I was a pile of jello right after his set ended. I could not for the life of me, walk straight. Even snakes could have slithered better. Like the stupidly infatuated fangirl I was, I couldn't even come up with the words "hi, you're amazing can we take a selfie." I think I just stopped breathing.


Yes, this happened guys. THIS HAPPENED. After forever. It's a sign, forever is worth waiting for. I COULD HAVE CRIED. AND I SO BADLY WANTED TO HUG HIM. BUT I WAS SO AFRAID I WOULD GET SNIPER SHOT FROM SOMEWHERE. skdfhksdjfhskdhgfkjsdhfgkhsdfg.

I was hyperventilating like crazy after that. Koi could not calm me down. And it continued because he started favouriting my tweets and liking my instagram photos (and he's still doing that) and I'll never get over today, probably. Ever.

BUCKET FUCKING LIST YO.

Let 2k15 end right now, cause it'd be perfect.

Hi Shigga Shay. Your voice, in my head, in my heart always. Always. I hope you see this, and I hope you know oh dear god, your determination to just get up and go, it's motivating so many young talents. I wish i wasn't a completely blubbering idiot when I took this photo, but so many emotions were going through my head, and I just ... for lack of a better word.. died. Please continue to do what you do. Passion drives people to do the craziest things. In the end though, there ain't no such thing as regrets. 

Basically, you made my year. Not even my day. YEAR.

Okay, breathe.

Charlie Lim was equally melt-worthy. No words can describe the peace that went through my mind just sitting there listening to him, and watching the crowd unite together to feel his thoughts.

Music. So many forms, one objective. Togetherness. :')

Taking a music module, and being so involved with music through my freelancing has made me feel so much closer to local acts, talents of all sorts and it has opened my eyes to the greatness this small place I call home has to offer.

Stay tuned to my upcoming vlog guys. It definitely won't do justice to what I experienced first hand, but it'll bring you guys closer to the growing culture here.

That's good enough.

Hope ya'll had a worthwhile weekend. Love x






Friday, July 10, 2015

A thing?

Hello.


(blank)


My mind right now.

How do I begin this.

Let's do it bullet point format, shall we?


  1. Productive afternoon. It's Friday, so it's gym day. As most of you reading would probably have known by now, I train 4x a week. The two hours in the gym felt especially good today.
  2. Laundry. Check.
  3. Constant worrying about last night? Check.

Finally, the words are sorta starting to flow.

Anyhow, finally I can fling my music notes in the air and say I'm done, because presentation is D O N E. I'm actually pretty surprised how calm I was, despite the videos and all not working. Pulled through that.

I like how at the end, Dr Wong actually mentioned how he was having dinner with Benjamin Kheng, and Lou and I just about squealed. The whole bunch of freshmen just stared at us. Sigh. Why would you judge such a hottie though?!?!?

Had dinner/break fast with Ira at Nandos, and it was good to catch up. So glad she's finally doing well x We had a good laugh about "Mak kau hijau" (youtube it if you don't already know what it is!), and I dropped by H&M to get a few basics.

 


Missed working with this boy. The Jack to my Jill x


Met L at his place. Had a pretty good chill out session by the pool till pretty late. We were trying in vain to avoid the security guard who roamed by our hideaway almost every few minutes. L and I learnt something yesterday. Never mix whisky, vodka and coke together. Holy sh*t.

Left around 1am, and fetched Abby from Pioneer Mall. Cab fare ended up being $60?!?! Jurong West to home yo. No joke. Crashed at Abby's place till 3-ish, and then home. Thankfully we live just across the road.

Woke up with a pounding head from exhaustion this morning, but I'm feeling much better. 

The workout and the pouring rain did me good today. Sorta cleared my head. I'll be good for awhile. 

"The pain is a reminder that we happened."



Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Thank you.


"I always wished I was 100 percent gay for so many reasons. Number one, that means I would know who I was. Number two, it would be so much easier for me to be accepted by people. But I'm not. I'm not completely gay. But I also can't sit here and say that I'm completely straight." 

"I'm not that. I don't know who I am."

"Alot of people are on a sexual spectrum. Everybody's on a spectrum, and you don't need a label. You don't need to figure out exactly who you are right now." 

I cannot emphasize how important this is. 

All we do is hide. We hide ourselves from people's judgement. We hide our true selves because we're afraid that no one will see us the same way if we "bare our souls". 

Ten years in a girls school has made me so so open to the lgbt cause. I'm always stuck in the 'in-between'; believing in what the world says is right, and believing what I feel is right.
I'm saying that I believe strongly in loving whoever you want to love. Regardless. 

Everyone's born differently; into a different culture, into a different stigma. 

There are times where I ask myself why I'm not like someone else, and we start the comparison game.

But people have to know.

It.doesn't.matter.

You can be whoever the f you want to be.
And no other person should have to give two shits about who you are.

Give an open mind to the people around you if they're afraid to really say what they want to say. Hug them, tell them that you're there and that you're supporting what they believe in. This is bigger than just "dating" or "loving someone". It could save a life if you just understand what a person is going through. 

Be the change you want to see in the world. 

Make a difference. It starts with you.





Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Oh marble and leather

I.am.back.

No idea why I disappeared in the first place. Must be my sudden Sims 4 addiction. (I succumbed to the temptation of recent Origin sales...... )

It's been week after week of lazing around at home; sleeping in, sleeping late. Basically treasuring my alone time i.e. turning into a lone wolf/recluse. I somewhat enjoy the quiet though. It gives me ample time to run through and sort my thoughts out, which is always nice.

Tuesdays bring me back to the music lessons I always look forward to. Never thought I would enjoy studying theory based music instead of holding an instrument or performing in public, but I kinda do. The whys, hows, wheres and who of music. Links so much to my need for travel and yearn for constant knowledge and "fun facts".

We hit the Esplanade today for a short tour through the echoing concert hall, and ended back up on the rooftop. So many of my questions answered today, thanks to the ever entertaining guide.


Me and my fellow lonely seniors. (We are in a full class of freshmen. Scary)

Joke of the day: (I guess I was the joke of the day)

Lou: "Fie, you should take a picture or outfit of the day next to the general waste bin, or the aluminium!"
"Why?"
Amy: "Cause you're cheap."

Thanks guys.....




My thighs are haunting me. I need to get back to the track. Like, asap.




We walked around after we ended since Amy had some film to use up. Ended up taking endless selfies (not complaining), and ridiculous videos.


We headed back to Raffles City, where they ate Nam Nam for an early dinner. Talked about random stuff - type of guys, Vietnamese vs Thai food and all sorts of things under the sun. It's been awhile since I had such a conversation. I really sound like a sad soul.

Met the SPYs for dinner/break fast, and I really missed having our routine trainings at Scape. Brought back so many memories; especially when Patsy started sorting out t-shirts in the middle of Old Town.

Had a really good catch-up with them, and we received our equator certificates (finally!!). Have so much to be thankful for today despite the train breakdowns happening across the country.




And I finally got my birthday present (two months overdue) from Ridhu. 


Life has been pretty good lately. This week has been good. :')

Count your blessings. Everything looks more beautiful then. Have a good week everyone. x

Today's ootd:


Leather shift dress: Something Borrowed
Nike Roshe Marble Grey: Daisypicks
Glasses: Bugis

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Three-oh-seven, and a half.

It's exactly a year since my travel journey with SSEAYP, and almost half a year since I met up or contacted my cabin mates. It was absolute joy for me when I found out my bimbo was coming down to Singapore for the weekend.

Bimbos are something we call ourselves in the cabin. We're always up to something - binging on snacks and emptying the snack cupboard, or doing something really really questionable - ironing without switching the iron on, for example.

So, Jacq came down to Singapore for food (according to her). I beg to differ. I think the shopping was calling. Anyhow, we met up for a short while, and we bumped into Huishan and Bela as well.


Unplanned outfits - print and denim. Purely coincidence, really.



Accompanied her boyfriend to shop around Uniqlo, before we dissected Bugis Street for awhile. The crowd was horrible.





The chrome effect was such a disappointment that day.


Jacq went off to join her boyfriend, and I took Bela and Huishan to the Geylang Bazaar to fulfill their food list. Churros, fried oreos, ice cream... the works.

Bela left after getting her oreos and churros. Huishan and I ended up breaking fast together under the Eunos train tracks, while watching the sun go down. Oh, it was also the first time I ate a soft-shell crab, shell and all.

Short, sweet. Another positive addition to my memory bank.

Oh, I'm loving my new glasses. I think, it could be a thing. Don't you?